Bonding with bondage! Is That A Double Negative? Whatever, Let’s go!

 A light spank or a gentle tickle would be one of the first entries in the oldest “How to” book of heightening bodily pleasures. Even Kama sutra, the god of all sex manuals has a surprisingly detailed section on how to perfect the most arousing slap on your partner’s butt cheeks.

On a much more modern context, we all are aware of the raunchy and heated sexual acts between Anastasia Steel and Christian Grey which made “50 Shades of Grey” a worldwide phenomenon. Bondage is not some shady, twisted form of deviance as many Hollywood flicks would have us believe. Bedroom bondage is nothing but a form of sexual exploration among two consensual adults.

Myth Buster

The Masochist said, “Spank me,” but the Sadist said, “No!”Masochism and Sadism are the two words which people use most to describe S&M and bondage. This alone is bound to be a huge turn off for most. But interestingly bondage is not about that. Not always.

Agreed, the idea of Bondage and light S&M goes totally against the teachings of Gloria Steinem and many people would even go ahead and say it is all that is anti-feministic, but the fact remains that mutual trust and communication on whose founding pillars bondage rests, are the two major reasons behind 90% of the breakups and divorces.

So, one would not be totally wrong in saying that a little bondage, helps bring out the playful side in one’s partner and goes a long way in bringing them closer than ever before. Factually speaking, one out of every five couples try their hand at S&M and one out of twenty actually indulge in some serious role playing. So bondage is not that uncommon, as one might think.

Power Centric Sexy Hanky Spanky

Sex is the intimate culmination of one’s carnal desires and contrary to cynical opinions, it is something which strengthens a relationship beyond measure. And bondage is just a way to take it to the next level, to the darker side of your fantasies.

Allowing a consensual partner to command or relinquish power can be the ultimate aphrodisiac. It allows one to open up completely before one’s partner and enjoy guilt free kinky fun ending in an explosive orgasm. In the hands of a caring partner, the sex toys or the fetish gears do not stand for pleasure VS pain, nor is it about control VS submission, it is all about heightening one’s sexual pleasures.

It is a manifestation of one’s sexual desires through a different channel. That’s what bondage is all is about. 

Tricks of the trade for Bondage Bliss

Introducing bondage in a household should be done with the utmost care and should be well thought out. No doubt it is a delicate subject, so try to introduce it lightly in a conversation, if your partner seems willing, have a proper discussion as to what lengths each of you are willing to go. This is very important and helps in setting the boundaries.

This is always preferred over dropping unannounced clad in a latex suit, with a bullwhip in hand at your wife’s tea party. Also desires vary from couple to couple, so the best way is to talk it out and have a good understanding about each other’s propensity to experiment with the act.

Also, think of a safe-word that can be used in the bedroom. It is like an emergency fuse, which can be used when the act gets a little too hot and heavy. The safety word can be anything, even a “potato” or an “onion” would work just fine.It is important to remember that when you are starting out with bondage, start light. Say with a little sensation play.

Deprivation can work out well in this regard. Taking away one sense can result in an increased capability of the other senses. A blindfold or a pair of fluffy handcuffs is the best suited tool for sensory deprivation. You can mix things up with a little hot and cold excitement between the sheets. Run down an ice cube on your partner’s neck or between the legs to introduce an icy cold arousing sensation.

Sometimes a little hot wax or a hot stone massage can also help spice the things up and give a fun twist to the sexual experimentation. See how that works out and then you can delve a little deeper and start with other gadgets or even indulge in some role playing fun.

Bridging the gap with Bondage

The stigma associated with bondage prevents many people from trying their hand at it. On explaining about how it helps rekindle the lost fire between estranged couples, most remain dumbstruck. “How can tying up your husband and simulating hot steamy sex with him solve the worldly problems?” But it can. It does.

First and foremost, it allows one to share one’s deepest and darkest of fantasies with one’s partner. Opening up makes one seem vulnerable, but when one sees one’s partner do the same, it helps achieve a sense of closeness, not possible by any other means.

Then comes an exhibition of the utmost level of trust in completely letting go of oneself. To not only give in to one’s desires, but reveling in them, taking them to intense new heights, that is the ultimate dream. And bondage helps in realizing them.But this explanation is not enough to satiate the skeptics.

Many people have this ill formed idea that if they let their partner tie them up and allow them to be dominating in the bedroom, it reflects back through the entire relationship as well. It somehow makes them weak in the relationship, as if leaving them at their counterpart’s mercy.

These delusions can be seen more prominently among the fairer sex. The point to remember and take home is that bondage is restricted to the boundaries of the bedroom. It does not mean, one has to take that same role-playing self to work.There is this unsaid bond of what happens behind those closed doors, remain there.

They do not play any secret power games in the relationship as such. If such cases do arise, they are one off one’s specific to the idiosyncrasies of that particular person and needs to be addressed by an experienced councilor.

If taken in the right mindset, bondage is the best tool to help take a relationship to the next level. One can even say it has considerable magical abilities not unlike the “Love Potions” of yore. So stop questioning your own latent desires and give in. Let bondage free you from the metaphorical bondage of life.

How ironic is that?!

Tom Douvia
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