A Comprehensive Beginner’s Guide to Submission

Sex is a normal human need, but how doing it properly and reap maximum pleasure and fulfillment is a real cause of disagreement among a majority of couples. Romping between the sheets is an art that goes beyond the ubiquitous and the monotonous missionary position that most couples identify with. 

Regardless of how you look at it, once in a while, we all need something to spice up things in the bedroom. Otherwise, we might just stop enjoying sex or engaging in sex, altogether.  

And among the many ways of bringing the magic back into your sex life is by trying out role play fantasy that comes with submission and dominance—by letting your partner take total control of matters with you on the receiving end of inestimable pleasure or vice versa.

What Most People Think about Submission

It is understandable that some people think of submission and dominance as weird and maybe even cruel—something out of the norm. However, let’s all admit,  there is a little pervert in all of us!

Therefore, disregarding what the prim and proper have to think and say, statistics out there are mind boggling as much as they are interesting. Now, according to a survey carried out by the Kinsey Institute, more people than you would imagine, engage in some form of sadism or masochism practices with the goal of sexual gratification. 

An amazing 5-10 percent of Americans reportedly engage in sadism/masochism practices while engaging in sex. Another 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men responded as to having found immense pleasure in a partner’s bite in the throes of lovemaking.

Again, 11 percent of men and 17 percent of women confessed to having incorporated bondage into their sex life. Furthermore, 14 percent of men and 11 percent of women said they have had a sexual experience where sadomasochism was involved.

Clearly, submission and dominance are happening out there and is here to stay. However, knowing how doing it right is what really counts. 

How to Become Submissive

So where does one begin in this interesting journey? How does one become a submissive? There is a lot of literature out there on the subject of submission and dominance. Moreover, there are many great online communities where this subject is thoroughly dissected and further expatiated by both veterans and novices. 

For instance, Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission is a book by William Brame and Gloria Brame that does justice to the exploration of this subject to an agreed level of satisfaction.

The Dom Sub Net is a wonderful online platform where you can get to learn the practical details of the art of submission and dominance from others who have been lucky and bold enough to try it out.

You can also attend a “munch” which is a social gathering of individuals from different backgrounds but united by their interest in sexual submission and dominance. These gatherings can prove to be invaluable in terms of advice on how to go about this sexual fantasy.

Regarding the different levels of submission and dominance, it all depends with how far your curiosity stretches, plus how much you can stomach without feeling violated. You could be the type that enjoys a little light spanking and dirty talk or even serious flogging and bondage all in the name of searching for that intense orgasm.

Again, you can decide to be a part-time submissive, occasionally taking part in BDSM but keeping it away from your other spheres of life. 

Nevertheless, if it truly gets to you, a full-time submissive is the way to go as it allows you to incorporate each sphere of your life around a dominant/submissive kind of relationship.

You can make it more interesting by incorporating props and outfits into your role-playing. Only remember to take it one-step at a time, learning it slowly until you perfect it.

However, before you throw all caution to the wind and decide that you want to become a submissive, there are some considerations to be made. In fact, serious considerations that border on your safety.

For instance, you really need to be sure that you are comfortable with what submission and dominance entails. Always remember not to cross your comfort zone and end up traumatized instead. Sex should be pleasurable, not painful. Therefore, the handcuffs, spankings and spreader bars ought to have their limits. 

Otherwise, there is a real likelihood of someone being seriously injured. It has happened to many people, as to why it’s so important to be communicative and set limits and boundaries before engaging in these types of sexual activities.

Moreover, this is where a safe-word comes into play—a pre-agreed word used to stop or slow down the action (sometimes called a “stop word”). It’s generally recommended not to use “yes” or “no” as these two words are extremely common with lovemaking and might be misconstrued as a clarion call to heighten action and thus a pleasure.  

Try to use one syllable words that sound completely different and can be clearly distinguished (for example: red and green).  Those aren’t very attractive words, but they are effective.  

Red of course would be to absolutely stop, and green would be “go,go, go”.  You could also add something like “yellow” that would mean..ease things up a bit.  Until you and your partner are comfortable, and have solid communication, it’s best to stay in the “green zone” to start. 

If the scene involves a mouth gag, bit or head gear, be sure to incorporate a hand signal or body type of signal that means “stop” or “go”.  Whatever you do, just remember to keep it safe, sane, and consensual!

Dos and Don’ts Of about Submission

Submission is a natural instinct and those who posses it have a true desire to give pleasure to a dominant partner who does what some people may consider as humiliating and offensive.

The fact that someone else finds it thrilling to totally surrender to the mercy of another person just to fulfill a sexual fantasy does not make it everybody’s cup of tea.

You really need to be sure that you want to try out submission because you think it will add value to your sex life and NOT because your partner wants to control you. 

Submission should not be slavery; always make it consensual if you want to experience the best of it in its purest form.

Submission and dominance often become problematic the moment it becomes difficult for those involved to tell apart real life from fantasy. It should not be lost on you that what you are doing is just a game, to be more precise an adult game.

This implies that what happens during your role-playing should not always be expected in real life with another partner, should you break up and move on.

Tom Douvia
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